Mating intelligence

“Glenn Geher, an associate professor of psychology at SUNY at New Paltz, who, with Miller, edited a forthcoming volume on mating intelligence, is developing a mathematical model to demonstrate what many a grandmother has long cautioned: Women who are de facto skeptical of a man’s intentions are almost always better off than women who spend hours deconstructing the first date. (“He gave me his home number, he asked about my family, he mentioned a concert this spring—he must be into me!”) Geher found that if a woman cannot accurately judge a man’s romantic designs at least 90 percent of the time, she’s better off being biased. “Women using a ‘men are always pigs’ decision-making rule may be more likely to actually end up with honest, committed, and long-term-seeking males,” insists Geher. “

To be fair to the other sex, someone (not me) once wrote that all men are pigs, but not all pigs are men. Read the rest of the article, Love’s Loopy Logic on Psychology Today.

How To Be Alone

How to Be Alone
By Tanya Davis 

If you are at first lonely, be patient.If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren’t okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find it’s fine to be alone once you’re embracing it. 

We can start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library, where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books; you’re not supposed to talk much anyway so it’s safe there. 

There is also the gym, if you’re shy, you can hang out with yourself and mirrors, you can put headphones in. Then there’s public transportation, because we all gotta go places.And there’s prayer and mediation, no one will think less if your hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation. 

Start simple. Things you may have previously avoided based on your avoid being alone principles. The lunch counter, where you will be surrounded by “chow downers”, employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town, and they, like you, will be alone.
Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone. 

When you are comfortable with “eat lunch and run”, take yourself out for dinner; a restaurant with linen and Silverware. You’re no less an intriguing a person when you are eating solo desert and cleaning the whip cream from the dish with your finger. In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were. 

Go to the movies. Where it’s dark and soothing, alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community. 

And then take yourself out dancing, to a club where no one knows you, stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one’s watching because they’re probably not. And if they are, assume it is with best human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats, is after-all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you’re sweating. And beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things. Down your back, like a book of blessings. 

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. Go to an unfamiliar city. Roam the streets. There are always statues to talk to, and benches made for sitting gives strangers a shared existence if only for a minute, and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversation you get in by sitting alone on benches, might have never happened had you not been there by yourself. 

Society is afraid of alone, though. Like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements. Like people must have problems if, after awhile, nobody is dating them. 

But lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make it. You can stand swathed by groups and mobs or hands with your partner, look both further and farther in the endless quest for company. 

But no one is in your head. And by the time you translate your thoughts, an essence of them may be lost or perhaps it is just kept. Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from pre-school over to high school groaning, we’re tokens for holding the lonely at bay. 

‘Cause if you’re happy in your head, then solitude is blessed, and alone is okay.It’s okay if no one believes like you, all experiences unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you. For this be relived, keep things interesting, life’s magic things in reach, and it doesn’t mean you aren’t connected, and the community is not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. 

Take silence and respect it. 

If you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it. If your family doesn’t get you or a religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it. 

You could be in an instant surrounded if you need it. 

If your heart is bleeding, make the best of it. There is heat in freezing, be a testament.

Nike We Run Manila 10K 2011

I ran my first 10K last Saturday at the Nike Run Manila 10K event held at Bonifacio Global City. I didn’t have as much fun as I had in the previous two runs that I joined, and it wasn’t due to the longer distance that I had to finish. I wish it was as organized as both Rexona and Unilab since all running events were staged by Run Rio.

For one, there should have been lighting fixtures installed along the race route, as there were few stretches that were in nearly total darkness and one had to use a torch or a phone’s flashlight app to see the track. Claiming baggage was a total mess, and it took me nearly an hour after the race to get back my bag, afraid that it might end up with someone else and along with it some precious possessions.

 On the plus side, I like the running shirt that Nike provided. I wish, however, that the finisher’s kit would be really distributed by the sponsor. Joining the event wasn’t cheap, so to make fees really sulit, getting the finisher’s kit would be really nice.

Nike We Run Manila 10K

A mini-rock concert was held after the race, featuring Parokya ni Edgar, Chicosci, and some other band, but  we were all too tired, aching and famished, so instead of watching, we proceeded to Seafood Island at nearby Market! Market! for a huge meal.

Nike We Run Manila 10K

UPDATE: More than two weeks after the run, I still have to receive my finisher’s kit from either Nike or its organizer.