Negative people don’t just suck you into their black holes of angst and depression. They make every attempt to destroy whatever is left of your self esteem. There are times when there is no other way to deal with them other than through avoidance (i.e., pretending they don’t exist) or confrontation (red: tell the walking black hole to shut the phuck up!).
Judy Orloff, in her book “Positive Energy”, explains that there are seemingly nice persons who are actually energy vampires in disguise. If you feel any, a combination, or all of the following when you are around these people, then you must be dealing with energy vampires.
– you experience a sense of being demeaned, constricted or attacked.
– you intuitively feel unsafe, tense or on guard.
– you sense prickly, off-putting vibes. You can’t wait to get away from them.
– your energy starts to fizzle. You may feel beleaguered or ill.
LWC offers a few tips on how to deal with them:
1. Know where it is coming from. – Try to find out the source of their negativity: work, low self-esteem, frustration, etc.
“Remember that the negative behaviour is a reflection of them. It tells you what kind of person they are and what issues they may be dealing with. It’s not a reflection of who you are.”
2. Just smile and remain completely detached. – Don’t get caught in their drama.
“The negative person is simply seeking to get a reaction from you. That’s what they feed on. Don’t let them catch you in their web of negativity because as soon as you do, that’s when they start draining your energy.”
3. Say, “Now tell me something positive.” – Easier said than done, but it’s worth a try.
4. Imagine a bright white light surrounding you. – Or think of some happy thoughts, a memorable event, your loved one, how sexy your legs look when you’re wearing those killer shoes. Oooh! Shiny!
5. Is it a sign? – Take these negative people as signs–or warnings–that you should probably move on and focus on better things that life has to offer.
6. What does it say about you? – Negative people will try every weapon in their arsenal to get a reaction. Do_not_react. Know you are the happy one and they are, well, whatever! On the flip-side, their presence allows you to know yourself more and understand why some people can cloud your rather clear-blue sky. But once you’ve figured things out, try to keep a healthy distance from them.
“Sometimes, you can learn a lot about yourself by analysing what feelings it’s bringing up within you. Once you figure it out and deal with it then you’ll find that the energy draining person simply has no power over you anymore.”
7. Trying to feel needed
Be selective about who and how you help others. Just listening to negative tales over and over helps neither of you.
8. Try saying, “I love you, thank you, I’m sorry” over and over. – Not sure how this works, but it’s worth a try.
9. It’s not your fault (it’s theirs) – You are not responsible for other people’s unhappy disposition. It’s not your job to fix them either.
“It’s important to be able to let go of the idea that you owe everyone a solution. With some people you just have to let them go. They have to take responsibility for their own lives and they won’t if someone is always there to fix everything for them. So, Let Go! It sounds mean but it definitely doesn’t help them if they end up taking you down with them.”
10. Be enthusiastic and focus on your own energy. – Thinking about your own happiness makes them realize that their drama isn’t worth your while and that they are wasting their time on making you feel the way they do.