Category: Relationships

Closure

I am one of those few people who don’t understand the idea of closure as nothing more than when something is done/gone/over, it just is, nothing more.  No need to ask, no need to analyze. It’s gone. Zilch. Nada. Searching for explanations for why things ended, especially if unfavorably, is just an exercise in self-flagellation and no matter how much one tries to process  the events that led to any sad ending is mostly about wanting to come up with a possible explanation to the question, “Why did it happen?” It’s the curious who usually need closures and not the ones who have actually been involved. It is what it is, as the cliche goes.
Closures are better done in private, and the discovery of Ted Hughes’ poem about the last weekend of Sylvia Plath’s life sheds light on his remorse over his former wife’s suicide. Maybe this is the closure that the public has been waiting for all along. I still don’t understand closure.
http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9?isVid=1

Utopia?

Wouldn’t it be great if people only married because of love and not because of social pressure or for financial security; or to believe in a God because of spiritual conviction, not because of fear that if you didn’t have a religion, your soul would be doomed in the pits of hell once you left this earth; or to be in a profession where you excelled not because you needed to make money but because you loved it and were good in it? Denmark sounds too good to be true, but then again, the country has consistently ranked as one of the happiest in the world.

I never believed they were close friends at all

Under the current circumstances, Woods probably would have been a marked man by the umpires, unlike someone such as the gentlemanly Roger Federer who would be given a wider berth.

“To Federer’s credit, while not as close friends with Woods as the people at Nike and the IMG management firm like to pretend, he did text the American during the depths of his bizarre personal crisis late last year.

“And, along with his wife Mirka, he got together for lunch with Elin Woods, Tiger’s wife, in Florida during the Sony Ericsson Open two weeks ago.

“While the original friendship axis was between the two male sports superstars, the gesture by Mr. and Mrs. Federer toward Woods’ betrayed wife definitely looks good on them. One can only hope that Woods would show the same kind of empathy in a similar situation, despite it being virtually impossible to imagine one that could be even remotely similar.”

       — What if Woods was a tennis star?

Why people take time (away)

Forgotten by alextarasiuk

All around me, my friends are becoming dating-phobic because they’re terrified of messing up one more time. I watch as they swing to extremes, overcompensating for the last relationship disaster. And they don’t even remember the details of what went wrong!

“While i’m all down for remembering everything i ever read, just imagine the havoc wreaked on courtship by remembering today. First off, you “remember” interactions that never took place because you read the details of her blog before you even met. Next, all of those blog entries you wrote reminds you of your own emotional naivete because you were in lurve. And now you have the snarky emails and IMs and texts that show that you’re a complete dickwad and are the root cause of all relationship woes…Oh, and you have shelves of DVDs that prove that your relationship looks nothing like what “normal” relationships should look like (proof through Molly Ringwald). Somehow, just as you’re starting to feel better, you think that it couldn’t _really_ hurt to look at her MySpace. Only you found that she erased your very existence in an effort to delete the relationship out of memory.

“I don’t think it’s just babymaking that we want to forget. There are good reasons for the tried-and-true attitude that you can’t immediately just be friends post-breakup. The reason you take time away is to forget. The reason you want to forget is because it’s how you make sure your ego doesn’t go suicidal on you. The natural decay of negative memories is quite useful. The re-organizing of your past allows you to be confident in who you are today.

This sentiment applies to both men and women. An old but always very relevant stuff from danah boyd, to remember or to forget? on babies and beer goggles.

Marina, 88

I regret not telling you often enough just how much I loved you.  I owe you my childhood and much of what I am as a grown-up. You were there for me even if I broke you heart more than once, and you were there for me every time I needed you.

I’m sorry that I was not there for you as much as I knew you would have wanted. I’m sorry that I did not even realize you were hurting. I’m sorry that I couldn’t even look at you on those last days that everyone was bidding you farewell. I hope that my last gift had made your last days on this earth warm enough to make you realize that I cared about you more than you should have known.

May God bless your journey to the other side. I love you.