Paglimot

Paglimot

ni Nino R. Calinao

Pumanaw na kagabi ang aking pagkabalisa
At magdamag na ibinurol ang aking ilusyon.
Kanina tinungo ko ang naglamay na lapis sa mesa,
Habang sumusulat ay ikinukumpas ng aking panghihinayang
Ang kundiman ng aking kalungkutan
At mga titik ng ponebre ang aking nabuo.

Ayoko na sanag ituloy ang pagkatha
Pagkat lapidang marmol ang papel na ito
Kay hirap iukit ng mga salita.
Sa puntong ito
Ay nasa huling hantungan na
Ang aking mga pangarap.
At sa huling tuldok ko itatarak
Ang krus ng aking paghihirap.

This is one of the saddest yet hopeful poems I know. The author was a classmate of mine back at UP School of Journalism, and although I never got to know him personally, it was rather shocking when his death was reported on the  news, and more so for the sheer violence of it.

According to reports, he was killing time with friends at one of the places in uni where many students hung out when two men approached him and shot him point blank. And while his friends still managed to rush him to the hospital, he succumbed to his death due to the number of shots he received from his assailants. Weeks later, it turned out that the bullets that killed him were in fact meant for someone else and he was simply a victim of mistaken identity.

The saddest part about his death was that he was a poor yet promising man who was just a few weeks shy of getting his Bachelors degree and start working in order to support his family, which was the fact about his life that he implied in his poem, if one understood what it was like to be poor and to struggle through life.

Against singlism

 

single

Single by leosam

Singlism – n., society’s scorn for the never-been-married, unmarried, de-coupled, living alone or not in any romantic relationship.

I found this eye-opening article about society’s scorn for or bias against singles. Even America, the single most powerful and most advanced country in the world, favors the married/coupled population more than the remaining 41% that chose to live life without partners. As a single person who has recently turned 30 and someone who’s been through FOUR failed relationships (which meant that there have been “single” phases in between relationships), I have had experiences when telling others that I’m single left a bad taste in my mouth if only for the reaction or look that I got from people who are so proud to refer to themselves as “in a relationship”.

Don’t take it wrong. There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship. I was happy on certain times when I was in one too. If you are happy in your relationship, then I’m happy for you. If you are with the person of your dreams, well done. You are very lucky indeed.

What’s wrong is being in a relationship just_for_the_sake_of_being_in_one. Maybe that was where I had failed, too. I allowed all these former insignificant others to enter my life, rearrange it, make it spin out of control.

Only last Monday, I decided to back out of a date with someone I could potentially have a relationship with. Perhaps because by the time I reached maturity (I’m a very late bloomer), I realized that not all guys in the world are really worth spending time with, much less giving up the time to do something else productively for. I knew that when I told him I couldn’t make it, he wouldn’t be asking me out again.

 

We have at certain points in our lives been single too. I had been single on many occasions and I am single now. It is bad enough that society thinks less of singles, and it is worse when society reserves a higher degree of scorn for single women.

But gender aside, here’s a little something the single-bashers should realize: We are okay…at least I am. We are not as f****d up as you think (wish?) we are, so quit feeling sorry for us. We do get asked to dates once in a while, we do attract the right kind of attention from all sorts of people and not just from jerks, we have more disposable incomes, and we are free. If some of us choose to be single after leaving/having been left by our former significant others, that’s because we realize that how we choose to be happy is up to us.

I got this one from a review of the book, Singled Out: How How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After

“I have a good male friend in his late 30s. Some people have asked me if he’s ever been married. When I answer No, one of them remarked, “There must be something wrong with him.” Actually, there isn’t. He just doesn’t believe that marriage would improve his life. It’s overrated and not a “fix-all” solution. He likes being single! He’s happy being single. Is that so difficult to understand? Apparently, it is.”

If you are a girl who’s in a real, loving relationship…may your kind multiply. Seriously! It isn’t everyday that you can find a good man to share your hopes and dreams with. Or choose wedding rings with. Or for whose baby you’re buying cribs.

And honestly, who wouldn’t want to be in such a happy romantic relationship that spells “happily ever after”? But if you are in a relationship (perceived or otherwise) with someone who is only stringing you along, take this one for a spin:

“Left to your own devices, you’ll get over it and move on to someone who appreciates you, donkey-laugh and all.

“But the key to recovery is being left alone. And any guy with any shred of integrity whatsoever will respect that. Because, believe me, they may be confused or ambivalent about a lot of things, but there are two things they do know: They know they don’t reciprocate our feelings, and they know that to pretend otherwise is just a cruel and terrible lie.

“So if he’s still stringing you along with a lot of vague promises or relying on you for a surefire ego boost when he’s feeling down, I recommend you give him my book.

“No, not this one.

“The one entitled, Don’t Be a Big Fat Asshole: The No-Excuses Guide to Behaving Like a Decent Human Being.”

The rest is found here.