Mating intelligence

“Glenn Geher, an associate professor of psychology at SUNY at New Paltz, who, with Miller, edited a forthcoming volume on mating intelligence, is developing a mathematical model to demonstrate what many a grandmother has long cautioned: Women who are de facto skeptical of a man’s intentions are almost always better off than women who spend hours deconstructing the first date. (“He gave me his home number, he asked about my family, he mentioned a concert this spring—he must be into me!”) Geher found that if a woman cannot accurately judge a man’s romantic designs at least 90 percent of the time, she’s better off being biased. “Women using a ‘men are always pigs’ decision-making rule may be more likely to actually end up with honest, committed, and long-term-seeking males,” insists Geher. “

To be fair to the other sex, someone (not me) once wrote that all men are pigs, but not all pigs are men. Read the rest of the article, Love’s Loopy Logic on Psychology Today.

Love is a losing game

Before Amy Winehouse shot to international fame with her award-winning album, Back to Black, she was already mesmerizing a limited number of followers with her gift. I have to admit that while I had always known that with the way she carried on with her drug and alcohol binges, it was just a matter of time before her body gave out to the effects of addiction. Last Saturday, she joined the 27 Club.
A favorite from her first album, Love is a Losing Game tells of how love is a lot like gambling; only the player is often dealt with the losing hand. It’s a painfully sad yet hauntingly true assessment of the greatest of human emotions.

Love Is A Losing Game
For you I was a flame
Love is a losing game
Five story fire as you came
Love is a losing game
One I wish I never played
Oh what a mess we made
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game
Played out by the band
Love is a losing hand
More than I could stand
Love is a losing hand
Self professed… profound
Till the chips were down
Know you’re a gambling man
Love is a losing hand
Though I battle blind
Love is a fatal resign
Memories mar my mind
Love is a fatal resign
Over futile odds
And laughed at by the gods
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game


I am one of those few people who don’t understand the idea of closure as nothing more than when something is done/gone/over, it just is, nothing more.  No need to ask, no need to analyze. It’s gone. Zilch. Nada. Searching for explanations for why things ended, especially if unfavorably, is just an exercise in self-flagellation and no matter how much one tries to process  the events that led to any sad ending is mostly about wanting to come up with a possible explanation to the question, “Why did it happen?” It’s the curious who usually need closures and not the ones who have actually been involved. It is what it is, as the cliche goes.
Closures are better done in private, and the discovery of Ted Hughes’ poem about the last weekend of Sylvia Plath’s life sheds light on his remorse over his former wife’s suicide. Maybe this is the closure that the public has been waiting for all along. I still don’t understand closure.


Wouldn’t it be great if people only married because of love and not because of social pressure or for financial security; or to believe in a God because of spiritual conviction, not because of fear that if you didn’t have a religion, your soul would be doomed in the pits of hell once you left this earth; or to be in a profession where you excelled not because you needed to make money but because you loved it and were good in it? Denmark sounds too good to be true, but then again, the country has consistently ranked as one of the happiest in the world.

I never believed they were close friends at all

Under the current circumstances, Woods probably would have been a marked man by the umpires, unlike someone such as the gentlemanly Roger Federer who would be given a wider berth.

“To Federer’s credit, while not as close friends with Woods as the people at Nike and the IMG management firm like to pretend, he did text the American during the depths of his bizarre personal crisis late last year.

“And, along with his wife Mirka, he got together for lunch with Elin Woods, Tiger’s wife, in Florida during the Sony Ericsson Open two weeks ago.

“While the original friendship axis was between the two male sports superstars, the gesture by Mr. and Mrs. Federer toward Woods’ betrayed wife definitely looks good on them. One can only hope that Woods would show the same kind of empathy in a similar situation, despite it being virtually impossible to imagine one that could be even remotely similar.”

       — What if Woods was a tennis star?

Why people take time (away)

All around me, my friends are becoming dating-phobic because they’re terrified of messing up one more time. I watch as they swing to extremes, overcompensating for the last relationship disaster. And they don’t even remember the details of what went wrong!

“While i’m all down for remembering everything i ever read, just imagine the havoc wreaked on courtship by remembering today. First off, you “remember” interactions that never took place because you read the details of her blog before you even met. Next, all of those blog entries you wrote reminds you of your own emotional naivete because you were in lurve. And now you have the snarky emails and IMs and texts that show that you’re a complete dickwad and are the root cause of all relationship woes…Oh, and you have shelves of DVDs that prove that your relationship looks nothing like what “normal” relationships should look like (proof through Molly Ringwald). Somehow, just as you’re starting to feel better, you think that it couldn’t _really_ hurt to look at her MySpace. Only you found that she erased your very existence in an effort to delete the relationship out of memory.

“I don’t think it’s just babymaking that we want to forget. There are good reasons for the tried-and-true attitude that you can’t immediately just be friends post-breakup. The reason you take time away is to forget. The reason you want to forget is because it’s how you make sure your ego doesn’t go suicidal on you. The natural decay of negative memories is quite useful. The re-organizing of your past allows you to be confident in who you are today.

This sentiment applies to both men and women. An old but always very relevant stuff from danah boyd, to remember or to forget? on babies and beer goggles.